Asking for help

how it used to suck and now I love it

I was grumpy after my last email.

If there’s something I love, it’s clarity. Which for me is a control wrapped in a beautiful package.

Not knowing who I was writing to gave my ego the green light to essentially tell me I was a failure and that nothing I have ever done in my life was meaningful.

Enter Cara.

I’ve been working with Cara for about a month now. She is a brilliant coach specializing in CliftonStrengths. Her passion is helping you understand your strengths in all their glory. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Since we’ve begun our journey together, I’ve been in a bit of a rumble with one of my strengths and am seeing how I can get caught in the shadow side of its essence.

Maximizer. Even the name makes me cringe. It feels like toxic masculinity pretending to be helpful.

Yet it’s one of my strengths so I’m working on shifting my relationship around it. Trying to soften it on my palette so it tastes more like a sweet meringue than a rotten egg.

Ultimately it is about seeing the possibilities in people and what they are creating so they can experience the fullness of life (slightly paraphrased for palette enticing).

As I sat with Cara, grumpy and annoyed with not knowing who to write to, she told me this was one of ways the shadow of being a maximizer rears its head.

My Maximizer hates feeling stuck. It brings up my inner toddler who is being told it can’t have what it wants and is throwing a fit in the middle of the grocery aisle.

When I shared that I had 3 books floating around inside my brain and I didn’t know who to write to, Cara had me close my eyes and envision one year from now.

It was Christmas morning and someone was opening my book as their present and they were so excited to receive it. When I saw them opening this gift, which book did I see?

I immediately started crying and knew in my heart what I had to write about - the thing I didn’t want to write about. Not because it won’t help people, but because it’s vulnerable.

Here’s the thing - I could have spent weeks stuck in the shadow of my maximizer, grumpy and annoyed that I didn’t have something to strive towards, but instead I asked for help.

I’m blessed to have a Cara in my life right now, but it doesn’t have to be a coach you reach towards.

Think about someone who gets excited about what you are creating? Who is brilliant at being a sounding board for your ideas? Who genuinely wants to see you succeed and offers support when you ask for it?

Then reach out.

This used to be the HARDEST thing for me to do.

I grew up responsible for those I loved and quickly adopted the identity of “the strong one”. Always there to care for others; never burdening them with my problems.

It has taken me years of practice to feel comfortable reaching out to coaches, friends and loved ones.

Did I always choose the right person - no. Did I learn better boundaries through choosing the wrong people - yes. Did I let it stop me - no!

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand that having supportive people in my life is like having a cozy reading nook to read in.

A safe space to feel loved while sharing stories.

It’s also why I do the work I do.

Creating communities where people can show up and be loved unconditionally. There are no parts I don’t accept. I love them all.

If you struggle to find someone in your life capable of handling all parts of you, there are people out there who can. It takes a little courage to step out and look for them, but it’s worth it.

It can happen through art classes, the gym, book clubs. You won’t know unless you get a little vulnerable and put yourself out there.

Making new friends has always felt a bit like dating to me. Learning who each other is and what each person’s values are. Then seeing if they overlap. If they do, magic. If they don’t, let them go.

The goal is unconditional love.

If it feels like you have to change who you are to make the friendship work, that’s not friendship, it’s self abandonment.

You are the gift.

You deserve people in your life who will sit with you while you are grumpy and help you figure out what book to write.

Oh, and in case you wanted to know my other strengths, they are Empathy, Connectness, Developer, Positivity - and of course Maximizer.

If you have done your CliftonStrengths, I would love to know yours! You can drop them in the comments below.

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P.S. In 4 weeks I’m hosting Reflect and Rise ~ a two day mystical journey to close this year and to open the next.

Friday January 9th you will walk through 2026 and the ending of a nine year cycle that began in 2017. Go over themes that have played out in your life and honour the lessons you learned.

Saturday January 10th is setting the intentions for the birth of a new cycle and for 2026, as well as creating a 12 month oracle card spread to come back to all year. It acts as an anchor to everything you focus your attention on.

This is deep meditative work that takes you on a journey through your heart, your inner wisdom, and your magic. YOU have the answers you seek, and this event is reconnecting to that truth.

If this feels like a HELL YES, you can join the event with the link below.

Friday January 9th and Saturday January 10th from 12-4 pm EST. The calls are recorded and sent you if you can’t make the live. Cost is $333 USD.