I'm Redefining what Pleasure means to me
Cause drinking isn't cutting it anymore
Last Tuesday my husband and I decided to go to a local place called The Jingle Bar.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed when all of a sudden images of happy people at a Christmas themed bar took over my screen.
Every pleasure centre in my brain activated. Pretty lights. Christmas magic. Hot chocolate flights. I had to go.
Donning our holiday finest we set off on our adventure.
Sitting by the fire we sipped what could only be described as chocolate water. It was honestly the worst hot chocolate I have ever tasted. But hey, the pictures look amazing.
When our drinks were done, we decided to keep the night going and headed to one of our favourite pubs for a couple more drinks.
If you have followed me for any amount of time, you know I don’t drink.
But lately I have been.
A cider here.
A bottle of wine there.
Two raspberry lime seltzers on a date night with my husband on a quiet Tuesday night.
Wednesday morning I woke up and I felt like sh*t.
My head hurt, my body ached, and I had no energy.
At first I wanted to beat myself up for going out and having good time with my husband. The “you knew better” and the “it’s your own fault” voices taking up space in my head.
But then I had another thought.
The only reason I go out and drink on dates with my husband is because that’s what I am defining as pleasure.
Growing up in a family that drank - A LOT - booze was associated with every holiday, was used to work through every emotion, and made every experience better.
When you didn’t drink, the world felt flat and the whole experience was a bummer.
Even though I quit drinking at forty (I’m 48 now), and mostly don’t drink, I am still associating a “good time” with having a few drinks.
When I don’t drink, my mind tells me how little fun I am having. How boring I am. That my life has no pleasure.
Which brings me to my revelation last Wednesday.
As you know I’m big on cycles. Menstrual, moon, seasonal, and numerological.
At the end of this year we are closing a nine year cycle that began in 2017.
This means, if you look back over the last nine years, you will see different themes that have come up for you in your life.
In a previous email I shared how I had signed up for a writing program in 2017 thinking I was focusing on being an author, but ended up focusing on my relationship with money instead. (if you want to read that email, I can add it to my Substack - let me know)
Last Wednesday I realized the last nine years have also been about my relationship to pleasure.
For most of my life I’ve equated pleasure to drinking, to shopping, to going out.
This has been disruptive in the form of ammunition I’ve used against myself - no one wants to hang out with a boring non-drinker. As well as keeping me from fully appreciating the beautiful life I am living - if I am not spending money I am lacking fulfillment in some way.
As this nine year cycle comes to a close, I am witnessing the way pleasure through spending money, intimacy, social interactions, drinking and giving presents have all been a theme for me.
I’ve worked on releasing the belief that gift giving is equal to love. That if I don’t spend money on someone they don’t feel valued by me.
I’ve worked on feeling unconditional love with my husband and having honest conversations about what intimacy means for both us.
I’ve worked on accepting being a highly sensitive empath and how that influences my energy in social gatherings. Becoming more intentional about where I go, with whom, and why.
I’ve also learned many ways to enjoy quality time with the people I love that don’t involve alcohol. Hiking, coffee and cardio dates and going to local markets all making the list.
Now that I can see this theme and how it’s influenced my thoughts and behaviours, I can begin to build a new relationship with pleasure.
Like how I’ve begun to receive a free sweet treat everywhere I go (this is actually happening).
How a latte makes grocery shopping magical.
How mornings free on my calendar look like journaling for hours and taking my dog for a long walk.
These things aren’t random, they are me choosing pleasure.
With this intense year and the nine year cycle ending, I’m also holding a two day event called Reflect and Rise on Friday January 9th and Saturday January 10th from 12-4 pm EST (yes these are new dates!!).
The grounded intentionality of conscious endings and beginnings being high up on my pleasure list, as well as spending time in a community of energetic beings.
Reflect and Rise is choosing to walk the spiral of this potent (and did I mention intense) year, receiving the blessings it has offered. Pausing to close on a vibration of your own choosing. It’s also you choosing to walk through the last nine years gathering the themes you have experienced.
On day two it’s about connecting with your higher self and being shown the path that is unfolding for you in 2026. What possibilities are in your field? What is your heart asking to receive, be or experience? What themes will be showing up for your next nine year cycle?
When this is done, you close the two day event by creating a 12 month oracle spread to anchor in the energy of the year.
Until December 7th Reflect and Rise is $222 USD with discount code EARLYBIRD, then it goes up to $333.
If you feel the call to join me in this powerful two day mystical journey, you can click the button below.
I’m also curious if you have been experiencing the completions of this nine year cycle as I have?
What themes have come up for you?
Let me know in the comments below.
Avalon