What is an Initiation? And when does it happen?
hint... they happen all the time and the key is your perspective *trigger warning * this article talks about suicide and toxic relationships
Walking into my laundry room and finding my son standing with a chair placed in front of him and a cord dangling from his hands is a moment that is forever etched into my memory.
Even writing about it draws that day so close to the surface I can feel the tears building in my eyes and my heart stutter with dread.
Everything shifted in slow motion while thoughts bombarded my mind. Was I a bad mom? Could I still in the live in the house if I’d been too late? How did this happen?
As intense as this moment was, it initiated a string of events that restructured my entire life. It began with an ultimatum to my son to get help, he refused and chose to live on the streets, and I sunk into depression for the first time in my life.
Two years later, when the dust settled, everything in my life had changed. Most importantly being the work I do in the world. It was during those two years I began speaking to Angels and my Guides, which became the foundation for reading chakras and doing energy healing.
As you go through this article, I’m going to share my personal Initiations to highlight what is possible when you shift your perception about what you are experiencing, but I have been blessed to walk my clients through their own Initiations for over ten years.
Witnessing them open up portals of transformation that have quantum leaped their lives forward. Shifts that would not have been possible without some form of external trigger catalyzing the change.
What is an Initiation?
Did you see the word initiation hidden in the sentence above? It’s there for a reason. An Initiation almost always begins with a life changing event that forces you to look at your life from a new perspective.
This can be, but is not limited to:
losing your job
a medical diagnosis
winning the lottery
going bankrupt
losing someone you love
receiving a book deal
divorce
a move to a new country
going viral
The catalyst can be both painful or exciting. It’s sole purpose is to open a portal inviting you to walk through to a new version of yourself.
Sitting on my couch, my hands shaking so badly I nearly dropped the phone, I told my coach I was done.
For almost two years I had given her everything. I let her tell me my ideas were wrong while I paid her to do it. Her philosophy was that the law of rhythm meant that everything I spent on her would come back to me magnified. That the only way to make money was to spend it. That way the universe would know that I was allowing money to flow through me.
Four hundred and fifty thousand dollars later, I was broke and broken.
As someone who grew up in a narcissistic family, I felt more comfortable letting someone else tell me who I was then listening to my own inner wisdom.
I believed she had my best interest at heart and genuinely cared about me. That when she told me I couldn’t be friends with anyone else she worked with, it was because it would interfere with my business and she wanted to see me succeed.
If you didn’t come from a home that took your identity from you, you may not see the pattern here. That safety came from the familiar. That even though it felt excessive, I understood it emotionally. It was easier to believe her than it was to stand up for myself.
The day I broke up with her I began a new cycle in my life. One where narcissism no longer had a grip in my life. The money I spent and the years I lost myself to her, initiated me into the truth of who I am.
When I hung up the phone that day I knew I was free. That no one would ever have that kind of power over me again. That lesson changed my life.
What happens during an Initiation?
Regardless of where an Initiation comes from, it asks you pay attention to what is happening inside you.
It draws attention to something that is out of alignment in your life.
The only way to proceed is to unpack a belief or story you are telling yourself that no longer aligns with who you are becoming.
You may be telling yourself that you don’t deserve success, then you go viral and are forced to work through all the conditioning that told you you weren’t good enough.
You may be financially secure and then lose everything because you are required to release the attachment to money being your definition of worth. That you are perfect and whole without any external validation.
You may get a book deal and then slump into a depression because you know how to give to others but you have never learned how to receive good for yourself without feeling selfish.
You may get a diagnosis that rocks your world but draws attention to the fact that you have been repressing your emotions and the only way forward is to work through the emotions you never let yourself feel when you were younger.
Each of these situations could be seen as catastrophic. You finally get a book deal and then can’t write because you can barely get out of bed, or you build a nest egg and lose everything in stock market crash.
But within each of these events lies another perspective. Some way that you can grow to allow even more opportunities into your life.
I had just published my first book when my entire family fell apart.
My sister read it and then proceeded to tell everyone I had thrown our entire family under the bus for personal gain.
My mom called me distraught, begging me to call my sister and apologize. She told me my sister was hurt and that it was my responsibility to fix it.
I didn’t believe I had done anything wrong, so I refused.
My sister then told my mom that I had talked about her suicide attempts (which I had my mom’s permission to do), so my mom stopped talking to me.
My sister told my dad that I blamed him for everything that had gone wrong in my life, so my dad stopped talking to me.
Neither one of my parents read my book. They took what my sister said at face value and for months I had no contact with anyone in my family of origin.
This silence forced me to see patterns that I had refused to look until then. It broke the fantasy I had created that everything was perfect and there hadn’t been any abuse growing up.
When it came time to open myself back up to my family, the only person I still wanted in my life was my mom.
Writing my first book initiated me to break free from toxic family relationships and to stand up for myself. Something I had never done before.
How do you change your perspective during an Initiation?
I have a saying… well I have lots of sayings… but the one I am going to share with you today is…
We can not control the events that happen in our lives, but we can control how we choose to look at them.
The fact is that we are here on this earth to grow, expand and discover more about ourselves. To do this, we need outside forces to show us where we need to continue our work.
These outside forces can be our partners, our children, parents, friends, work, or any other person, place or thing that highlights where we are still holding on to old stories.
The shift in perspective is in going from feeling as though we don’t have any control over what’s happening, to realizing we are actually the ones who get to decide how we show up in each moment.
As you can tell in the stories I’ve been sharing, my life has not been easy. From my family of origin, to my finances, to my relationships, to the coaches I have hired (minus the one I have now - love you Amber Lilyestrom). Any of these events could have stopped me in my tracks.
The shift is in giving these life events a new name. One that holds the frequency of growth and expansion. Instead of being taken out by them, we become initiated by them.
Before there were cars, technology, infrastructure, travel, people who wanted to face parts of themselves would go into the forest or a cave for month. There they would face the darkest parts of themselves.
In modern times, our caves find us. They swallow us whole and demand we do the work to emerge more grounded and aligned to who we want to be in the world. It’s uncomfortable, sometimes terrifying, but always transformative.
I call these Initiations.
I will never forget the phone call that landed me at rock bottom.
Our lives had taken a turn when my husband was let go of his job and I was not working to tend to one of our kids. Without a steady income coming in, we asked his parents if we could move in with them to get back on our feet. They said yes.
Two weeks after we moved in we received the dreaded phone call. It was from the storage company where we had placed our furniture; there was a puddle outside our unit.
With a sense of foreboding we headed out to see what the damage was. When we lifted the door on our unit we were met with not one leak, but two. We lost all our furniture that day.
I remember returning to my in-laws and feeling completely bottomed out. We were homeless and had just lost everything we owned. At forty six years old, I had nothing to my name.
This could have been the worst experience of my life, but instead it taught me what true abundance was. That belongings didn’t make you rich. A loving family, simple pleasures, and faith did.
This moment in my life initiated me into financial literacy and unconditional love. It changed my entire perspective on wealth.
The fine print on Initiations
When you find yourself at the threshold of an Initiation, your first instinct might be to go it alone.
Chances are, if you are reading this, your childhood wasn’t exactly easy.
You probably learned at a young age that the safest way to make it through life was to control the narrative. The less you depended on others, the less you could get hurt.
I get it. I really do.
But if I have learned anything through my years of Initiation after Initiation, it’s that we aren’t meant to do this alone.
Heck, sometimes the Initiation is to let yourself be supported. To trust that someone is holding the container for you while you do the big work. That alone may feel terrifying.
But it’s necessary.
You can only grow so far on your own.
On my path I’ve had incredible therapists, coaches, and guides. I’ve made friends that can hold all of me and I married a man who is loyal and safe.
As scary as it is to open your heart to allow people in. It’s the fine print on making your Initiation make sense.
Its through others we can see ourselves reflected back to us. Especially when we are in the weeds and can’t seem to see the light.
It had been 4 years since I had a business coach. After the trauma of the last coaching container I was in, my nervous system felt triggered at the mere idea of letting someone in.
I also knew that I was ready to grow my business and that to heal the trauma from my last coach, I needed to change the narrative.
Before I worked with the toxic coach, I had worked with someone who was safe. So safe they scared me to death. Their level of care was so genuine my body didn’t know how to respond to it. Having a healthy relationship felt like the threat.
I’m not going to paint a pretty picture and tell you signing up was easy. As soon as I clicked the buy button a rush of terror flooded my system. All the emotions I hadn’t dealt with since breaking up with my last coach flooded to the surface.
But do you know what happened? She held them. All of them.
It was through signing up with her I initiated into a new level of care. One where I could be completely vulnerable and safe.
I want this for you.
Wherever you are in your Initiation I am so proud of you.
Looking at the hard things and being willing to see the growth edge through it is a quality most people don’t have.
Most people want to be victimized by their circumstances.
To see life as a personal attack on who they are.
But not you.
You are reading this article because you know there is a greater purpose through the pain.
That receiving good things into your life is available and what you are experiencing is the threshold to you letting it in.
If you want someone to walk with you through the portal, I’m here.
You don’t have to do it alone.
Send me a message and we can connect. We can see if I’m the right person to support you through your Initiation. You can also book a no obligation Energy Diagnostic HERE.
I’m a big believer in the right people are drawn to me at the right times.
If that is you, you will feel the call.
Blessings,
Avalon ✨
What a beautiful, honesty and courageous share, Avalon. I am proud of you...beyond words proud of you. It is an honor to walk with you, to witness you - all these years later - on the other side of what you have been through. Inspired by you, dear sister. xoxox
This is an interesting way of viewing things. As we are "in it" with a medical diagnosis, reading this has helped, especially today! Thank you it definitely resonated.